


Keith's journal

by oneacearmy



Series: Voltron brotherhood [2]
Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bleeding Effect, Blood, Child Murder, Childhood Trauma, Diary/Journal, Gen, Genocide, Kidnapping, Murder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24591040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneacearmy/pseuds/oneacearmy
Summary: The Animus is a virtual machine that allows the user to access its genetic memories (their ancestor's memories) and project the output onto an external screen in three dimensions. But long exposure to it can cause the Bleeding effect.After years of being subjected to this machine, Keith's genetic memories begin to blend with his own real-time memories and it is getting more difficult to distinguish between the two. As a coping mechanism, Coran convinces him to write a journal about his own memories so when an episode comes he can read them and remember who he is.
Series: Voltron brotherhood [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1777579
Kudos: 3





	1. Log entry #008

It’s been one of those days, it’s hard to have a grip in reality and separate my life with those I lived in the Animus. The visions.... the visions don’t let me rest and are messing with my mind and I know everyone keeps saying and that this is all in my head but they do not understand, THEY DON’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND! They aren’t the ones going crazy about this...

Coran thought it would be a good idea to record some of my memories for when I have episodes like this so it’ll be easier to ground myself and understand that yes, I am Keith Kogane and not other assassins of the past. 

I decided to star with my most traumatic memory to help jog some of my less public ones. I was around... six years old I think; my father wasn’t in the picture, mother was killed in action and I was raised by my uncles Thace and Ulaz. That week they both had missions to go to, each on their separate ways and they left Takashi in charge of me while they were away. But Takashi was called in too for a mission that fateful morning so when the attack came I had to figure out how to survive. 

No one was awake when it began, it was early morning and the night patrols where on that tired set off mind when they just want the morning guards to take their places so they could rest. The attack took everyone by surprise and I was one poor soul who didn’t have much time to come up with a plan. 

I was sleeping in one of those cotton onesies kids use when I was awakened by the sound of gunfire and the screams of another kid in the Farm. We didn’t have much time to spring into action. some adults ran outside to fight the strangers while others took their kids and barricaded the houses. 

I jumped from the window that led to the backyard and started running as fast as those chubby legs let me. I was really hot because of the onesie and the air was coming in short, I was scared out off my mind and didn’t register much apart from the sounds of a fight and the cries of the other kids. I could see the forest surrounding the town and felt an overwhelming relief come over me. I knew that once I reached the forest they wouldn’t be able to find me and I could see my family again. 

But just as I reached the forest a hand covered my mouth and lift me off the ground, dragging me back to the Farm. I struggled, screamed, bite and kick in and attempt to make them drop me so I could run off again, but none of it mattered thanks to their armour and when he finally let go and turn me around to his team, I saw for the first time the logo of abstergo, forever engraved in my mind thanks to the blood splatters against the rich red of the lettering. 

They had a few other kids tied up, they set fire to most of the houses and there where a lot of bodies around us. There was an older kid who they had against the floor, face directly to the dirt while an agent had his foot over his throat and his hands in his hair. The kid was crying and had that murderous look on his face, but he knew as well as me and the others kids, this fight was done and lost and we, the survivors wouldn’t escape. I guess they saw the kid as a menace because they put a gun against his temple and shoot him. 

I will never forget that day, I lived worse fears and torture in abstergo but that day and the look on the kids eyes will forever be in my memory and no worsening bleeding effect could make me forget it.


	2. Log entry #012

It happened again. It is happening more frequently at longer periods of time and with more lucid hallucinations, it is starting to intervene with my work and if I don’t learn to deal with it, Shiro is going to withdrawal me from fieldwork. He hasn’t spoken to me about it, no warning or anything. But I’m not stupid, a man who can’t keep his head in this reality and period of time is bound to commit a mistake and compromise the whole brotherhood. 

Today I took care of a poison delivery to a white military officer who was too comfortable around children and after I escaped the location trough the vents and roof, the grip I have in reality started to fade. I tried to force it down until I made it to the safehouse and could let go of reality altogether. I barely made it. 

There isn’t much information about the Bleeding effect, we just know that it is caused by exposure of the Animus by large periods of time and without treatment, it could lead to a mental breakdown. 

When I made it out of Daibazaal the Blade let me talk with one of their therapists since not many people outside of this battle know that the disorder exists and least of all how to treat it. For three years I was on meds and had weekly appointments with Dr Regris to keep the Bleeding effect in control and help ground me to my own reality, but when I joined the brotherhood I had to stop going to the sessions and since then I've been getting worse. The meds don't help anymore like they use to and going back weekly to the therapist while still in the brotherhood is risky for the Blade and for the order.

So the only option I have is leaving the brotherhood. 

Kolivan as the leader of the Blade and my godfather already told me that I could have my old quarters back and live with them for a few weeks so I can recover and then continue with long-distance sessions. If I’m lucid enough like I was displaying the last time we talked, then I could go on missions either given by him or by Shiro. 

I don’t want to leave my team, least of all Hunk who is still getting the ropes from this whole ordeal, but I already made my choice. I don’t want to die for psychosis either so I know I made a good choice (like I had any, really).

I’ll talk to the team tomorrow hoping they understand that although the freedom of humankind is important, I can’t do much about it if I’m sick and die of this shitty disorder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is important for the continuity of the story.


	3. Entry log #002

This is Colonel Keith Kogane, commander of battalion grey, member of the Blade of Marmora and this is my second entry in the journal Dr Vrek recommended to keep.  
I normally have trouble expressing how I feel and giving names to certain feelings but Vrek thought that writing them down and describing what I'm experiencing could help me with these particular problems. 

I was recently given the title of Colonel and given my first command in a rescue mission, our job is to discover the location of the daughter of Judge Trudy and deliver her to a safe house where she'll stay until the trial against Throk comes to its conclusion. Throk is an important public figure in cahoots with Daibaazal, his position on one of their companies has let him redirect money belonging to the people to the research department of Daibaazal, but recently he was caught and charged with attempt murder, money laundry and fraud. Unfortunately, they are messing with one of the biggest organizations ever created and the Judge in charge of the trail wasn't easily bought so they thought kidnapping her daughter was a good idea to make her do their binding. 

Our job is just the searching and rescue part, keeping her safe afterwards is another poor soul's problem. I haven't been nervous on a mission before but every part of it depends on me and how well I perform under pressure, I've been giving full authority for the battalion and the planning but I'm afraid I'll mess it up. My biggest concern is my communication abilities, I know I've built a lot of walls since my mother abandoned me and then the destruction of everything I held dear and then the whole ordeal with Daibaazal and Lotor... It's been difficult for me to open up and reach out to others and that's such a vital part of leading a team of individuals to a dangerous mission where a blown cover could destroy the whole Blade. But Kolivan trusts me and I must do what it is in my power to assure the protection of the blade and accomplish the mission. 

Regris is coming with me as my second in command which I appreciate very much since he is a great soldier, a good friend and a reassuring presence that I'll need to keep grounded after all "patience yields focus". I can't believe that after all these years I still remember Shiro's words to a younger and happier me, I've always been hot-headed and those words have helped me a whole lot when I was alone inside Daibaazal. 

I'm confident in the plan, I'm really proud of my team and the people who had train and live with me for these past two years but I'm also anxious and terrified of something going grown like I get this chills and like a really heavy feeling in my chest, my hands are all sweaty and my hair feels greasy but I do think everything will turn out okay just scare for my people. I don't want to lose my family again.


End file.
